Discussing Esther’s bizarre situation that revolts every Jew whenever it comes up:
Yes, she was married to Ahasverus and went back to Mordechai, year in and year out.
It’s clear there are many questions and levels to this problem. She was called Hadassa because the Hadas is that plant that is identified with a particular smell. Even the weakest Jews would come alive with the aroma. The whole chiyas of Esther is the story of each Jew. She prayed and begged Hashem to return to her constantly, because she felt completely abandoned by Him.
After a while she gave up. The Jew decides to start davening. Someone gets sick and one davens and the person dies. It becomes harder to daven because you don’t feel the connection with Hashem or that He really hears you. . Do you stop davening?
The tzaddik takes all the tfillas of the people. all the partial neshamas, and brings them together. He brought out all the tfillas of the Jews, even who continue to daven even though they have no connection with Hashem. (This is why Maschiach is associated with the nose, the sense of smell. Each Jew davens and his tfillas bring out a different aroma. It is said the Mashiach will be able to tell everything about someone by his aroma. These Jews are called “bas doed,” you’re also the Rabbenu Shel Olam’s children. Like Esther bas Doed, who had no father or mother. The doed that means uncle also means Beloved.
She lived with Ahasveros, to the mikvah, and back to her beloved, doed, her husband, Mordechai. This pshat of Esther must be uncomfortable, sickening, and shocking. To know, to realize you’re married to the foreign king and live in his house is almost too much for most people to tolerate, especially if she is you. The whole thing is an essential knowledge since, if you deny it and reject it, you miss the opportunity to live with Our Beloved. The is the Chidush of Rabbenu Nachman, the dilemna of Esther is ‘our dilemna.’
We’re married to Ahasveros, we’re married to our job, we’re married to our tivas, Chochmas and mishigos. And we don’t want it. But we do it anyway and wonder why we’re unsettled. Why we feel unsatisfied? This is the product of sitra achra’s pleasure he gets from pulling us away from Hashem.
From Rabbi Goldberger’s shiurim on Likutey Maharon.
HAVE AN EVER DEEPENING JOY FOR A PURIM SAMAIACH!