I am passive in my suffering. Stilled since my youngest days by oppressors I thought unquestionable. I learned to disappear into my little world of games and fantasies but they found me anyway.
Sometimes I could see the beginnings of their torment but had no recourse.
In those days my silent, lonely tears comforted me.
Now, doctor, my tears anger me and the past appears without boundaries.
I am the child stubbornly silent as the invader probes my inner heart
and whispers the same threats. Where is my strength if not in my G-d?
I must fight the invisible enemy of my emotions and run to do battle
only to find there’s no one there. I am face to face with myself to ridicule
and blame without mercy. G-d please protect me from my poisonous self
since there is no one else. Help me find a way out of this maze and house
Can I believe what they tell me? Their counsel barely sparks my interest
yet You have sent them to my aid to dispel my crowded loneliness. They
referee and call foul so unexpectedly I am surprised yet I am unable to benefit their counsel.
The occupants of my tortured heart seem to know me better and ridicule my strivings. My only hope is the chink of Light You show me in the darkest moments. All I have is Your pathways often hidden but always there.