Monthly Archives: June 2013

Lag B’Omer in Meron, 5770

Lag B’Omer in Meron, 5770

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When asked if I return to the United States for money, it occurred to me to write the following:

Returning to galut is, kind of like, for the money.   Yet, there’s another ‘level.’   The Spiritual or expanded consciousness that is available, but through the ‘Expanded Torah.’

The Zohar (Book of Splendor)is called The Expanded Torah.    It is the fundamental book of Kabbalah, written by Rabbi Shimon Bar Yochai over two thousand years ago.

Last week, upon reaching the 33rd day of the omer, (explanation required) about 500,000 Jews passed through Rabbi Shimon’s grave site deep in the mountains northwest of Tzfat.

I was there, in awe of the massive, (largely unreported) pilgrimage.   This is probably the largest gathering of Jews in the world, every year.

It’s housed in an old castle type of stone building.   Every kind of Jew was there, although the majority were Hareidim and Chassidim.   Food was in abundance, and all free.   There were booths selling a myriad spiritual and Holy books or objects of observance, like candles, jewelry, shofars, hair coverings…

On the sides of the hilly entrance with paths leading up to the burial site, were entrances for men, mixed and women.   You could chose which of the two entrances allowed to you, based on your gender.

There were the same three ‘zones’ around the tombs.

Music poured out onto a constant writhing of dancers circling, almost non-stop from Saturday night until Sunday night.   As you walked from place to place, you could enter into the circle dance, and continue your walk on the other side.

There was a mood of simcha, (joy) and spiritual reverence.    And hundreds collecting for charitable organizations or for help with financial burdens by holding out hands, small and large tin cans or elegant platters.

By the way, I saw more than one platter of donations left out along the walkways, without attendants.   Who would steal of this large group?   Only those who really needed it and would be forgiven.   There was too much ‘reward’ for giving.

Many didn’t really know why they were there, but felt drawn to the high level of spirituality and the desire to do teshuvah (repentance or coming closer to G-d).

I have the lasting impression it was a gathering of the Guf Kodesh (Holy Body) of Israel to unite in dancing, prayer and repentance.

At one point a line of young men surprised me compelling me to give them Blessings.   They literally grabbed my hand, bringing it to their heads, and bowing their faces toward the ground waited while I recited prayers of blessing.   After six or seven passed I turned away, with an emotion difficult to describe.

As throughout Israel, there were huge bonfires in and around the tomb grounds.   All of these customs have very deep spiritual meanings available to learn if the time is spent.    Among the hidden meanings are great ethical teachings.   If one learns them with openness and purity, he will grow in heart, mind and action.

About three A.M. Rav Eliezer Berlan arrived from Jerusalem.   He’s a great tzadik known throughout the Jewish world.   (I sat with him three times after I arrived in Israel, and he said I should live in Yavne’el.)   He first lit a large bonfire prepared in a raised stone platform above a circle of dancing men with a radius of 25-30 deep.   He shot little ‘arrows’ into the crowds as Blessings, as is the custom, that gave those who caught them feelings of joy.

Amplified music from a large group of musicians playing rock-traditional fusion melodies filled the air.   It reminded me of Woodstock in its drama except there were twice the number, it is recurrent yearly and growing.

Here were smiles, greetings and warm embraces every where, with no discernible drunkenness, teenage fights or thievery.   Nor was there any open demonstration of personal sexuality.    Rather than “sex, drugs, and rock & roll,” it echoed the long, often obscure history of Jewish unification at the grave of a Tzadik (Righteous One).

I dream of a time you might are able to experience Israel first hand.   With G-d’s help it will happen some day.




I am overwhelmed with an oppression that sits on my flesh and heart.   It’s crept in to my life most of the last 60 years for periods of time that oppress my thoughts and emotions.    It is like a forced occupation of my simcha, huddling it to the corner as it dances it’s dark fire freely into my attention.

The occupier bitters and darkens me.   I am driven to break it’s hold until I am weary and suddenly it vanishes.   Music and lightness return to me briefly. “

I would call them hosts of demons, angels with tainted tasks and programed by dark forces.    They are powerless and empty and depend purely on persuasion.    They must not be underestimated.     Because their persuasion is based on trickery and deceit and really has no goal other than to battle with The Holy One through you (us).

And yet, due to their persistence we allow ourselves to be convinced we are the powerless ones. We are subject to their unrelenting domination and seek help with the burdens.    We don’t hear anyone tell us about them and we are disappointed.

They are more a mirror and echo to our own darkness.    Likely their response is a pathway to Holiness but we don’t hear it and we don’t even know it.

Why do you host so many of these little demons?  


I am passive in my suffering.   Stilled since my youngest days by oppressors I thought unquestionable.   I learned to disappear into my little world of games and fantasies but they found me anyway.
Sometimes I could see the beginnings of their torment but had no recourse.
In those days my silent, lonely tears comforted me.
Now, doctor, my tears anger me and the past appears without boundaries.
I am the child stubbornly silent as the invader probes my inner heart
and whispers the same threats.   Where is my strength if not in my G-d?
I must fight the invisible enemy of my emotions and run to do battle
only to find there’s no one there.   I am face to face with myself to ridicule
and blame without mercy.   G-d please protect me from my poisonous self
since there is no one else.    Help me find a way out of this maze and house
of mirrors.
Can I believe what they tell me?   Their counsel barely sparks my interest
yet You have sent them to my aid to dispel my crowded loneliness.   They
referee and call foul so unexpectedly I am surprised yet I am unable to benefit   their  counsel.
The occupants of my tortured heart seem to know me better and ridicule my strivings.       My only hope is the chink of Light You show me in the darkest moments.   All I have is Your pathways often hidden but always there.

Meditation on Purim

Discussing Esther’s bizarre situation that revolts every Jew whenever it comes up:
Yes, she was married to Ahasverus and went back to Mordechai, year in and year out.    

It’s clear there are many questions and levels to this problem.  She was called Hadassa because the Hadas is that plant that is identified with a particular smell.   Even the weakest Jews would come alive with the aroma. The whole chiyas of Esther is the story of each Jew.   She prayed and begged Hashem to return to her constantly, because she felt completely abandoned by Him.  

After a while she gave up.   The Jew decides to start davening.   Someone gets sick and one davens and the person dies.  It becomes harder to daven because you don’t feel the connection with Hashem or that He really hears you. .   Do you stop davening?

The tzaddik takes all the tfillas of the people. all the partial neshamas, and brings them together.  He brought out all the tfillas of the Jews, even who continue to daven even though they have no connection with Hashem.    (This is why Maschiach is associated with the nose, the sense of smell.  Each Jew davens and his tfillas bring out a different aroma.   It is said the Mashiach will be able to tell everything about someone by his aroma.  These Jews are called “bas doed,”  you’re also the Rabbenu Shel Olam’s children.   Like Esther bas Doed, who had no father or mother.   The doed that means uncle also means Beloved.

She lived with Ahasveros, to the mikvah, and back to her beloved, doed, her husband, Mordechai.    This pshat of Esther must be uncomfortable, sickening, and shocking.    To know, to realize you’re married to the foreign king and live in his house is almost too much for most people to tolerate,  especially if she is you.   The whole thing is an essential knowledge since, if you deny it and reject it, you miss the opportunity to live with Our Beloved.   The is the Chidush of Rabbenu Nachman, the dilemna of Esther is ‘our dilemna.’  

We’re married to Ahasveros, we’re married to our job, we’re married to our tivas, Chochmas and mishigos.   And we don’t want it.  But we do it anyway and wonder why we’re unsettled.  Why we feel unsatisfied?   This is the product of sitra achra’s pleasure he gets from pulling us away from Hashem.

From Rabbi Goldberger’s shiurim on Likutey Maharon.


The Mixed Multitude



June 19, 2004

There is a movement throughout the world.   It is the mixed multitude.

They knew there was something very special, but they maintained their own minds.

They went along for the ride.   They were running.  They were hiding.

They were seeking a way out of their lives.

It was personal, each with a reason.  They did it in mass, without much thought to the consequences, because they felt so many were doing the same thing.

It turned into collectivism. And over the centuries it passed stages, experiments.

Long before that they left the Jews.   Having been exposed to the Wonders of G’d,

but as if it didn’t mean that much to them.   It was passing phase in their lives.

Many of the Jews remained under the service of The Holy Laws The A-Mighty had given them.   They kept the knowledge alive though their tradition.

Meanwhile, the mixed multitude fell into the popular notions of the day.    As they reached toward their potential  other factions were stimulated to find the truth of the other’s conclusions.   There would be build-up of martial power and destructive forces.

The obvious thing they neglected was the wisdom of G’d and they met their annihilation.   The victors took on elements of the conquered and a new wave of violence and destruction would start again.

Why was this happening?   Why did the trends always lead to death, disease, poverty and failure?   Then something occurred to them.   They remembered what they had been through.   The Great Miracles of the A-mighty Creator and the Jews.

They had reached a pinnacle close to the Divine Benevolence and lived in joy and wisdom.


The Hijacking of Islam

IMG_3501The problem with the hatred, fear and opposition to Muslims is one of terminology.  The Muslim religion is far from a unified group of believers.   Sunni versus shi’ite and other such internecine conflicts are one aspect.   Another opposing assumption is there is a mainstream, integrative Muslim sector that is trying to come to terms with modern society rather than destroy it.   Can we hate them?    The traditional or cultural Muslim who simple wishes to live his life in a safe and peaceful manner is often the first victim of the other, smaller group we’ve been trying to label Radical Islamists or extremists or simply Muslim terrorists.   Yet all these labels are misleading since they fail to differentiate an important difference, that the terrorist elements are really not Muslim or Islamist at all.   I propose to give them a more descriptive tag following one of the main things they’ve become known for: hijacking airplanes, the act of taking over, by force, a vehicle designed to serve one function and converting it into a tool for their own devious purposes of murder and mayhem.

Thus these Muslim fakers with their essentially Totalitarian Nazi beliefs claim to be true Muslims or Islamists, when in actuality they hijack Islam and convert it to the terrorism we see today.

The Islam Hijackers are going to create major changes in Western Society.   The alterations in belief systems have been spreading as a massive ripple northward from the middle east through Europe, into the United States and elsewhere.  Previously held views have come under serious critique.   Beneath the rhetoric is a relentless desire to stop “the infidel.”   The only guy on the block they must kill is the Jew, Israel.   Everyone else can join the “Jihad,” if they want to, or suffer the consequences.    This is a distorted view of historic Islam and the unpoliticized Islam of daily life.

What do they gain by eliminating the Jews?  Certain periods of history were heralded as the Golden Age of Islam where Jews were able to integrate in various ways into the Muslim world to the advantage of both.

Israel seems pretty heterogenous and western.   Yet in the long term central to the the Jewish world is the Torah.  Not to say all Israelis even believe in G-d or the Torah.  It is the measure of a Jew.  And what is it about the Torah that disturbs them?   One major theme is the differentiation of good and evil.   It travels disquised in the Christian bible all over the world.   There’s a lot of agreement with the Christian world regarding basic ethical tenets.  Yet, they want to extinguish the Torah and its representatives.

It’s source is a Divine Intelligence and Creative Force, Unknowable due to it’s simplicity yet Islam Hijackers alter history, and revise its contents.   Once used to fill in the gaps of their story and their “prophet” it is deposed, and ridiculed.   Why due they despise the one source of their own holy book?

Never the less, the Islam Hijackers are devoted to the effort to kill the Jews and topple Western Society and it’s “decadence.”   Is there decadence in the west?   Would anyone disagree there is decadence in the west?    Perhaps a few but some of the Islamic targets were considered outside decent society’s bounds only a hundred years ago in the west and especially the United States.   Immodest dress, sexual impropriety, and even alcohol were considered repugnant and still are by vast numbers .    So Judaism finds much agreement with certain points of Islam outrage.

Their ultimate goal, of world domination is a dreadful thought.

The Islam Highjacker leaders are quite clever in deceit and often charismatic.   Repetition of their Third Reich propaganda lulls many into complacency and are highjacked as well.   The wagons of modernity circle to defend the “Freedom Fighters” and media men who proliferate their own spin.    The core of their banality is the hidden corruption, hatred of life and old Nazi supremism clothed in Koranic sound bites.    They don’t know it but they are set  on course to finish Adolf’s work and they’re in turn highjacked by Europe, Russia and other old enemies like puppets on a string.

Letter to the Adolescent Clock Stoppers

I don’t like you.   You are very confused.  That’s not why I don’t like you.  It’s because you make other people suffer because you are so confused but deny it.

IMG_7503One thing youre confused about is the clock.  Yes,  you seem to think time should succumb to you by stopping it for anyone you want.   What makes you think its okay to stop the clock because of your beliefs.  Well you are just wrong.  You are just a man and all other men (and women and children) come to this earth with their clock ticking.  It’s not your clock so what right do you have to just shut it down?

None.  That’s how much right you have.  None.

I don’t like you because you are hurting  your own people.  They didn’t do anything to you.  Their clocks are running along and suddenly you shut them dowm with your toys.  Yes, all your guns and explosives are toys to you except they are very dangerous.  You’ve been playing with them for so long that you forgot or got used to how dangerous they are.  They very often stop other peoples clock’s ticking.  Sometimes even your own when you wrap them around you and let your clock destroy your own clock.

I don’t like you because of all the damage you are doing to your own friends, neighbors and families.  Yes, those people living around you.  I don’t like anyone who shuts down someone elses clocks but then those people who write the news blame us for criticizing your “coping mechanism.”    You’re unhappy with your lot so you decided to alter time by stopping clocks.

Peace As A Political Agenda

THE FIRE LION FLOORI wish to cast no aspersion on those who espouse and embrace world peace as a goal to reach for.   It sure beats the pursuit of war.    But I believe the emphasis, as wholesome and correct as it is will not be achieved in the way groups such as Peace Now!, the Peace and Freedom Party, and other so-called Leftist groups do it.

Again, I don’t question the honest and decent values of those who seek the end of all wars.   Hashem should Bring on the Redemption.

This is the thing,  I get very aggravated with many things related to the peace movement.  A lot of people do.   I may agree with the conservative opposition whose also aggravated and turned off by the nature of the movement.

These days pent up rage is almost epidemic when it comes to geopolitics, the growing savagery and poverty in the world.   Political agendas can’t work in the abstract, as legislation or in the media.   The polemic stance of the left, often aggravating and provocative, of World Peace must turn their view inward.

Shalom Bayis (Peace in the Home) is the cornerstone of Judaism.   Without it one has no peace of Blessing.   All true success in life starts with Shalom Bayis.   One must pursue peace with the wife  and family,  and like dropping a stone in a puddle causes the waves to spread out in all directions peace is generated outward and remains.

The basic assumption of leftist or radical ant-war politics is backwards, especially with the Jewish, Pro-Palestinian movements in Israel and elsewhere.   As a Jewish nation, Chazal describes us as one body where a single Jew suffering means every Jew is suffering.   This family  includes every Jew, regardless of orientation or beliefs.   Peace cannot be established outwardly and forced inward in the absence of Shalom Bayis.


S Monica Chess Players close HDR

I don’t know how long, but its been awhile I’ve probably become indecisive.   Sometimes I’m sure but then I begin to wonder how I could be sure of being indecisive.   Isn’t that a decision?

If I have a problem I usually see two possibilities but think maybe they’re both wrong and there’s really an even better solution that I can’t think of?   So I’m stuck choosing between two wrong solutions or not knowing the right one.

I’m currently wondering whether I should continue writing this.

But since I started it I don’t think I can just stop.   The burden of a decision seems to outweigh making it.    I’m not so sure though.

No solution seems complete enough to simply decide by myself.   I hope something will happen or someone will just tell me what to do.    I don’t think I was always like this but lately I see one side that  seems right, all things considered.    It’s uncanny that I may suddenly see an opposing view that has equal merit.

Perhaps my indecision is fueled by my limitations?S Monica Chess Players close HDR



I’m new today and was yesterday and the day before.    

It’s the machine brain that makes it seem “like it’s the same old thing.”

That’s it!    Our mind fogs the Truth in memory and desire.    And what of today?    Can we get a glimpse of reality?  


Only through humility can we be objective.